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The richest girl in town.

[ website | www.laurenwheeler.com ]
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My tweets [Wednesday, Jan. 11th, 2017|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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  • Tue, 20:27: This is why I haven't started watching the third season of Black Mirror. I can just watch CNN to inspire the same existential dread.
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(no subject) [Saturday, Jan. 7th, 2017|06:40 pm]
The richest girl in town.
Some days I wonder if I squandered my youth building a career as a Black woman in the tech industry and should have instead become a trophy wife.

Today I'm wondering if I missed my calling as a lesbian feminist separatist.
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Longest shortest week. [Friday, Jan. 6th, 2017|05:10 pm]
The richest girl in town.
This week felt a lot longer than four days. I'm sneaking out of the office in a few minutes to grab a drink with a friend before I head back to the east bay. I guess it's work, about which I could not feel more ambivalent these days, and also my back went out last Friday and only stopped being miserable today. Anyhow, I'm glad to have a couple days off again, even if I'll spend them indoors since some sort of ridiculous storm is aimed at the Bay Area right now. (I'm not complaining; we need the rain. But a stir-crazy toddler who can't go the playground is a challenge.)

It's funny how as much as I feel "out of practice" writing here, once I get going, so much of it feels like home. I know there's the latest fear about what will happen with the servers based in Russia, and perhaps I should reconsider Dreamwidth (I do have an account; I just never used it), but for now, LJ is giving my heart something it needs--a place that feels like less artifice.
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My tweets [Friday, Jan. 6th, 2017|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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  • Fri, 10:39: Disabled BART train and horrendous traffic on the Bay Bridge mean today's commute is brought to you by the SF Ferry. #imonaboat
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My tweets [Thursday, Jan. 5th, 2017|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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  • Wed, 14:54: Jenny McCarthy believes Mariah Carey should stop blaming "everyone else" for NYE? What should she blame? Vaccines? Shut up, Jenny McCarthy.
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My tweets [Tuesday, Jan. 3rd, 2017|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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My tweets [Tuesday, Dec. 27th, 2016|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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  • Mon, 16:00: RT @DebbieReynolds1: Carrie is in stable condition.If there is a change,we will share it. For all her fans & friends. I thank you for your…
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(no subject) [Monday, Dec. 26th, 2016|04:47 pm]
The richest girl in town.
When I was 7 or 8, I remember running through my cousins' house out in the south Chicago suburbs while their parents were away, jumping on beds and tackling each other while "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" blasted at a volume that would surely have gotten us into trouble. A year or so later, I remember being at that house or maybe a different cousin's home when the video for "Everything She Wants" was on and the comments among everyone else--older than me--about what two pierced ears "meant."

A couple summers after that, I would be leaping to my tiny lavender boom box whenever "Monkey" or "Hard Day" played on the local radio station to try to record it. I remember the controversy around "I Want Your Sex"--both the song and the video--and Aretha Franklin allegedly disclaiming him following their duet "Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)."

By that fall, I would live in Miami Beach. I'd finally have the Faith album on cassette tape and would listen to it constantly. When the tour was announced, I just assumed I couldn't go--wouldn't be able to afford it, wouldn't be allowed to go even if I could, and wouldn't have anyone to go with. I was in 7th grade and didn't have many friends.

A week before the concert at the Orange Bowl, I sat alone in my apartment while my mother visited her friend Cynthia down the block. The phone rang, and I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello! This is Power 96 calling for Lauren Wheeler!"

"Uh...this is she...?"

"We heard you really would like to see George Michael's Faith Tour!"

My heart was thudding. "Ye--yes!" And then I realized I knew this voice. "Wait a minute... Cynthia?" She cackled.

It turned out that my mother's friend, who worked in marketing for Johnson Publishing, had been given tickets to the concert she wasn't going to use. A different friend of my mother's--Beverly--ended up taking me after Cynthia got into a car accident the day of the show and couldn't go.

I was a ball of nervous giddiness. I couldn't believe I was going. This was my first concert. I remember feling overwhelmed by the lights--and the video of George's ass in tight Levi's projected behind him. I also remember the Saturday Night Live skits that followed.

When Listen Without Prejudice dropped, and "Freedom! 90'" shattered whatever dreams teen girls had. I think I'd known already that George was gay somehow--maybe growing up around so many queer adults was clarifying. I didn't have a crush on him; my obsession was not romantic, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't find 5 o' clock shadows attractive for some years.

I have a soft spot for "Careless Whisper." The hotel the video was filmed at is the hotel that my friends and I went to after our senior prom. I sang that song during during karaoke at my company's holiday party two weeks ago. It's been one of my go-tos for a long time.

I remember sitting in Whitney's mom's car 9 years ago in Boston, singing "Father Figure" at the top of lungs. We were heading to the Middle East to see Amanda Palmer, but when that song came on the radio, we had to wait until it was over before we could get of the car. That's the song I've added to the playlist I've made for this year's fallen.

https://open.spotify.com/user/125525122/playlist/7ijTcOE7H3xofxjC1hsA1T
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My tweets [Monday, Dec. 26th, 2016|12:00 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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Sticking my head out. [Monday, Dec. 19th, 2016|06:01 pm]
The richest girl in town.
It's definitely been a while since I posted here. That Other Place just isn't the same, even when there are tumbleweeds blowing through my friendslist here. I've never been great with boundaries, so it isn't like I ever kept my presence here anonymous or avoided adding coworkers or frenemies. But it's a very different environment Over There. I can't talk about most of what is going on with me there, and it's isolating. It's a larger issue, of course--I should see people in the flesh far more often than I do, talk on the phone, even. But work and toddler both make that tougher, and if I'm honest, this isn't a new issue anyway.

That said, what's going on these days? Well, a toddler. Yep. P is two years old and acting like it. This isn't all a bad thing, of course. Toddlers are fun. Watching him learn and pick up new words at an insane rate and try to help with every imaginable household chore is astonishing. But there are also tantrums and whining and everything else you've heard about. Still, trying to stay present and absorb all of this, good and bad. dahled and I are tired, but enjoying our little family. We miss Java the Mutt (she passed in April '15), but P and Chai and Nutmeg--the dog we adopted a few months later--keep the household lively.

My mother has cancer. I'm fairly certain I mentioned that the last time I posted here, well over a year ago (not including auto-postings of my infrequent Twitter musings). There's more to it than that--she's also losing her mind (really) and the mental illness she's suffered most (all?) of my life seems to be worse. And of course there's no one else to care for her--I'm an only child, and so is she. There are a couple of family members who've expressed concern, but that just looks like them turning to me and expecting me to step in. Even if I didn't have a lifetime of abuse and neglect from her to make me resentful, this would be hard.

What else? Work. Not loving it. I'd forgotten all the things to hate about startups, and this place has got 'em in spades. I've been here more than a year, and I need to get out, but I'm trying not to jump out of desperation and end up either unemployed or in another job that isn't a long-term solution. So, I wait, and apply elsewhere, and bite my tongue a lot, and try not to curse a motherfucker out.

There's not a lot else. I'm not writing nearly as much as I want to or should be--it's hard, with our schedules. But I'm trying to do better about spending some time each day working on a creative project--whether that's writing or crocheting or (soon) learning to play the bass--which, I guess, is a big deal--I'm having something of a relationship with my father these days. It's awkward and conducted primarily Over There, but I know he's excited about having a grandson, and that seems to have sparked something. So at least one of my parental relationships isn't a complete tire fire.
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