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The richest girl in town.

[ website | www.laurenwheeler.com ]
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I get by with a little help from my friends. [Wednesday, Nov. 19th, 2008|02:12 pm]
The richest girl in town.
Tomorrow, my grandmother's having her right leg amputated four inches below the knee.

Saturday, I'm going with my mother to put down her dog.

In lieu of e-hugs*, please post:

- things that will make me laugh.
- job postings you think I might be interested in and a good fit for.
- submission calls (ideally poetry or short fiction).
- books I should read.


*Feel free, however, to keep us in your prayers. In fact, please do, if that's your thing.

[User Picture]From: yeloson
2008-11-19 10:24 pm (UTC)
Nothing cheers up my day like slapping a white dude:

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[User Picture]From: keryx
2008-11-19 10:26 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: sparklydevil
2008-11-19 10:33 pm (UTC)

and in other news tonight...

Show media Loading...

Edited at 2008-11-19 10:34 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: nerak_g
2008-11-19 10:47 pm (UTC)
Crap like this always cheers me up:
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[User Picture]From: mysterc
2008-11-19 10:52 pm (UTC)

and the rest you know

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[User Picture]From: cindymonkey
2008-11-19 10:54 pm (UTC)
it's the puppy cam of joyful doom


*and i'll keep you in my prayers too

Edited at 2008-11-19 10:55 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: mschaos
2008-11-19 11:04 pm (UTC)
I am absolutely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

and I hope thins might amuse you for a few minutes

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[User Picture]From: savia
2008-11-19 11:04 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: colubra
2008-11-19 11:07 pm (UTC)

serendipitous discovery:

That's even funnier if you neglect to have the sound on and then watch it a second time with the sound on.
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[User Picture]From: liquid_siftings
2008-11-19 11:05 pm (UTC)

Sure, it's a retread...

... but it's a *hilarious* retread:

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[User Picture]From: theaggregator
2008-11-19 11:08 pm (UTC)
I'd like a short story that includes the following themes:
Roses, old gods, cowboy boots.

Also, not sure if you've read it before, but I'm currently enjoying Neil Gaiman's American Gods.
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[User Picture]From: colubra
2008-11-19 11:11 pm (UTC)
This tale of domestic terror always has me crying with laughter whenever I read it:
Some blimps are better off dead.

I'm not sure what your taste in fiction runs towards, sadly! I would recommend Jonathan Carroll's novels highly (especially Bones of the Moon), and John Crowley's Little, Big.

And you hang in there, lady!
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[User Picture]From: i_dreamed_i_was
2008-11-19 11:32 pm (UTC)
Prayers already prayed.

And I know it's an old one, but I just reread The Color Purple (again). Think about it.
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[User Picture]From: fairymere
2008-11-20 12:05 am (UTC)
sending the love and good energy and prayers...

two books i really liked that have stuff about life and loss and death and old folks:
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
and The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
both are fiction, narrative style books
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[User Picture]From: heliocide
2008-11-20 12:06 am (UTC)
and now I present you with "The 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time"

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[User Picture]From: chaouen
2008-11-20 12:13 am (UTC)

you're one of the only things that would get me on lj right now...

for distraction, i love www.thesuperficial.com
for laughs, www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
for books, I'm into Junot Diaz right (latest book is something something Oscar Wao).

for e-hugs, i say fuck 'em. i'd rather get money. (and yes, i'd give you some if i had any).

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[User Picture]From: sushispook
2008-11-20 01:31 am (UTC)
wow - THAT didn't work - try this:

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[User Picture]From: tristan_crane
2008-11-20 12:10 am (UTC)

Thoughts your way..



Samson has love for all.

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From: devilcrayon
2008-11-20 12:14 am (UTC)

Know what's better than cookies?

60 years worth of the best cookies:

Many don't have chocolate, even!
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[User Picture]From: fa_ikaika
2008-11-20 12:20 am (UTC)
A bit of Fry and Laurie:

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[User Picture]From: aefre
2008-11-20 12:29 am (UTC)


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[User Picture]From: rivetpepsquad
2008-11-20 12:33 am (UTC)
Dunno if you saw it on Andrew's lj already, but it is the biggest lolz I had today:

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[User Picture]From: rednfiery
2008-11-20 12:38 am (UTC)
google (and youtube) has quite a few project/product manager jobs posted. here are a few that might be up your alley:

Product Manager, YouTube Core Team (San Bruno)

Product Manager, Content Operations YouTube (San Bruno)

Product Manager, YouTube Syndication/Distribution Network (San Bruno)

Localization Specialist (New York)
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[User Picture]From: raychoo
2008-11-20 01:20 am (UTC)
I find that when I am really freaked out and need an escape, but I'm so freaked out that it's hard to focus on reading, the Discworld books are just the thing. And there's nearly an infinite supply.

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[User Picture]From: nihilistic_kid
2008-11-20 01:35 am (UTC)

Apropos anthology theme (CFS)

Catastrophia--110d Marlborough Rd., Bounds Green, London, N22 8NN England. Editor: Allen Ashley. "Catastrophia will be a collection of stories loosely themed around the theme of catastrophes, disasters and post-apocalyptic fiction. I will be looking for original, unpublished stories which deal in a modern manner with these classic sf- and horror-based tropes."

Catastrophe? What catastrophe?: "In short, some event that rapidly changes the world social order, threatens the survival of humankind or the Earth, reduces people to a state of mere hand-to-mouth existence, puts the clock of progress back a couple of thousand years almost overnight."

"I will be taking a broad view of what constitutes a catastrophe/disaster/apocalypse but authors should note that I am not seeking gratuitous rape and violence fantasies."

Catastrophes for the new millennium: "With the current prominence of 'Green' issues, you may well decide to try your hand at environmental disaster, biological agents running amuck, responses to the future fuel and water shortages or similar themes ..."

"I've always quite liked the idea of the animal and plant kingdoms getting their own back on Humankind (See The Furies, Day of the Triffids, the film THEM, etc.), so I would be quite receptive to an idea along those lines. No zombies or vampires, though, which have been done to death."

"Similarly, I'm open to something based on our dependence on technology in the so-called Information Age. But no cyberspeak gobbledegook, please, and no rehash of TRANSFORMERS."

"I'm sure there's plenty of material to extrapolate from. Better still, come up with a fresh catastrophe idea, something that has not been explored before but is still close enough to the real world to convince as an extrapolation or a possibility."

General: 2000-6000 words, "although both longer and shorter tales will be considered."

Rights and other technical details: "I'm looking only for original material; no reprints. I will be buying First British and First North American Rights for your story with a one-year moratorium subsequent to publication. I can offer 3p/6¢/word up to a maximum payment of 100 pounds/$200 per story. The book will be published by PS Publishing and the current expected pub date is summer 2010."

"Unless specified otherwise, all submissions should be sent as disposable hard copies to [address above]. Please include an E-mail address for reply or a stamped and addressed envelope."

[E-mail: editorcatastrophia@hotmail.co.uk]. Deadline: May 31, 2009, "or whenever the book is full." RT--3 months or less.
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[User Picture]From: wordweaverlynn
2008-11-20 03:52 am (UTC)
My prayers are with you all.

And here is a cat riding a Roomba. The cat is not only calm -- it seems to be steering the thing!
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[User Picture]From: haddayr
2008-11-20 04:04 am (UTC)
Prayers are my bag.

Also this:

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[User Picture]From: claudimp
2008-11-20 04:37 am (UTC)
Thinking of you, hon. In the meantime, hamster ball.
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[User Picture]From: whiskeypants
2008-11-20 05:40 am (UTC)
To Say Nothing of the Dog, by Connie Willis. Find it, read it. I don't pray, but I am definitely thinking about you. And I'm around, so feel free to call.

Edited at 2008-11-20 06:10 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: jette
2008-11-20 05:47 am (UTC)
Here's the laundry + women one: http://lavanderiahome.net/

A Mixed Load of Women, Wash and Word
seeks submissions. Fiction, poetry, creative non-fiction
and other dirty deeds signifying sorting, washing, ironing,
folding laundry and life.
Maximum 5,000 words or 5 poems

I just read a Philip K Dick I hadn't read before. It wasn't that good so I won't recommend it. If you read comic books, War Machine is good and so is The Twelve.
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[User Picture]From: jette
2008-11-20 06:14 am (UTC)
PS, I prayed, and now I bring you pictures of Swedish dance bands in the 1970's.
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[User Picture]From: lula_neith
2008-11-20 08:43 am (UTC)
You and your family are in my thoughts. Here's an old standby that makes me giggle in the meantime:

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[User Picture]From: dottieneurotic
2008-11-20 03:30 pm (UTC)
I'm not generally a prayer, but I've taken it up for y'all.

In the meantime: http://menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/
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[User Picture]From: defenestr8r
2008-11-20 04:22 pm (UTC)
crikey! that's a whole lot of serious all at once.

did you read junot diaz's the brief wondrous life of oscar wao yet?
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[User Picture]From: sparkle_shortz
2008-11-21 04:38 am (UTC)
Oh yes, that. That book is genius.
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[User Picture]From: flukycoda
2008-11-20 05:53 pm (UTC)
sorry i don't have anything funny for you but prayers are totally my thing and your grandma will be in them.

also here are some excellent poets for difficult times. mark doty (soaring and sad, issue-ridden re. death, gayness, and AIDS), li-young lee (haunting and issue-ridden re. family history & identity), and best of all louise gluck (poetic giant, issue-ridden re. god & faith).
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[User Picture]From: sukaynah
2008-11-20 06:29 pm (UTC)
you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. sending love.

watching john stossel get beat up by a wrestler makes me laugh...


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[User Picture]From: softjunebreeze
2008-11-20 09:07 pm (UTC)
This ALWAYS cracks me up. It's a video from when my boy Kevin decided to "battle" some random man dancing by himself in the subway somewhere in New York:

Talk about a hot mess...I wasn't there, it's my friend Starr's video. She's got a cool blog you should check out sometime: http://www.gangstarrgirl.com

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Likewise about your mom's dog. Positive energy in copious amounts for all of you. Peace.
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From: delux_vivens
2008-11-20 09:10 pm (UTC)

Edited at 2008-11-20 09:11 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: aquenigmatic
2008-11-20 09:28 pm (UTC)
Bill Cosby sings Yes, Yes, Yes (w/album cover goodness)

Thinking about y'all.
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[User Picture]From: elusis
2008-11-21 05:35 am (UTC)
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