| Sticking my head out. |
[Monday, Dec. 19th, 2016|06:01 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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It's definitely been a while since I posted here. That Other Place just isn't the same, even when there are tumbleweeds blowing through my friendslist here. I've never been great with boundaries, so it isn't like I ever kept my presence here anonymous or avoided adding coworkers or frenemies. But it's a very different environment Over There. I can't talk about most of what is going on with me there, and it's isolating. It's a larger issue, of course--I should see people in the flesh far more often than I do, talk on the phone, even. But work and toddler both make that tougher, and if I'm honest, this isn't a new issue anyway.
That said, what's going on these days? Well, a toddler. Yep. P is two years old and acting like it. This isn't all a bad thing, of course. Toddlers are fun. Watching him learn and pick up new words at an insane rate and try to help with every imaginable household chore is astonishing. But there are also tantrums and whining and everything else you've heard about. Still, trying to stay present and absorb all of this, good and bad.  dahled and I are tired, but enjoying our little family. We miss Java the Mutt (she passed in April '15), but P and Chai and Nutmeg--the dog we adopted a few months later--keep the household lively.
My mother has cancer. I'm fairly certain I mentioned that the last time I posted here, well over a year ago (not including auto-postings of my infrequent Twitter musings). There's more to it than that--she's also losing her mind (really) and the mental illness she's suffered most (all?) of my life seems to be worse. And of course there's no one else to care for her--I'm an only child, and so is she. There are a couple of family members who've expressed concern, but that just looks like them turning to me and expecting me to step in. Even if I didn't have a lifetime of abuse and neglect from her to make me resentful, this would be hard.
What else? Work. Not loving it. I'd forgotten all the things to hate about startups, and this place has got 'em in spades. I've been here more than a year, and I need to get out, but I'm trying not to jump out of desperation and end up either unemployed or in another job that isn't a long-term solution. So, I wait, and apply elsewhere, and bite my tongue a lot, and try not to curse a motherfucker out.
There's not a lot else. I'm not writing nearly as much as I want to or should be--it's hard, with our schedules. But I'm trying to do better about spending some time each day working on a creative project--whether that's writing or crocheting or (soon) learning to play the bass--which, I guess, is a big deal--I'm having something of a relationship with my father these days. It's awkward and conducted primarily Over There, but I know he's excited about having a grandson, and that seems to have sparked something. So at least one of my parental relationships isn't a complete tire fire. |
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