August 18th, 2009

corset & bougainvillea

Where I am.

I am sorry for not replying to comments or emails or voice mail much at all lately.

I am flaky and absent-minded and incapable of staying focused on much of anything lately.

I am tired and frustrated and anxious about money and employment.

I am kicking myself over things I need to be doing and am not doing because they require far too much energy and motivation.

I am spending a couple of hours each week taking care of myself both mentally and physically.

I am realizing giddily how much my muscles remember things they learned twenty years ago.

I am in as dire a situation as I have been during my adult years, but still find myself smiling each day because I am blessed with beautiful people in my life who love me, care about me, and help me--even when I don't want to admit I need help.

I am in a kind of love I thought had passed me by years ago. The kind of love that makes it impossible for me to give up despite how dire things are right now. The kind of love that makes me determined to do whatever is necessary to improve the parts of my life that aren't working. Because we'd have beautiful children.