| Shut up, Rob. |
[Wednesday, Jun. 23rd, 2010|07:50 pm]
The richest girl in town.
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Cancer Horoscope for week of June 24, 2010  
Here are the low-paying jobs I've done that I wasn't very good at: tapping sap from maple trees in Vermont; driving a taxi in North Carolina; toiling as an amusement park ride operator in New Jersey; being a guinea pig for medical experiments in California; digging ditches in South Carolina; and picking olives from trees in the south of France. Do I feel like a failure for being such a mediocre worker and making so little money? No, because although it took me a while, I finally found jobs I was good at, and have been thriving ever since. Why would I judge myself harshly for having trouble doing things that weren't in sync with my soul's code? Please apply this line of thinking to yourself. |
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You know what that cock-sucking son of a bitch sent me this week?
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Each year, *Playboy* magazine publishes a list of
the best colleges to go to if you prefer partying to studying. In its recent
rankings, a top spot went to the University of Wisconsin, which was
dubbed "the best beer-drinking school in the country." As a counterpoint
to this helpful information, HuffingtonPost.com offered a compendium of
the best anti-party schools. Brigham Young got favorable mention since it
has a policy forbidding students from drinking, smoking, and having sex.
The University of Chicago was also highly regarded, being "the place
where fun goes to die." For the next three weeks, Leo, I recommend that
you opt for environments that resemble the latter more than the former.
It's time for you to get way down to business, cull the activities that
distract you from your main purpose, and cultivate a hell of a lot of
gravitas.
I don't know whether it makes me feel resolute and bold, or like I want to skull fuck him to death with a goddamn magical sparkly new age unicorn horn.
I may resemble that remark.
A few years ago, a group of artists built a giant bunny out of pink wool on an Italian mountainside. The 200-foot-long effigy will remain there until 2025. There's a disturbing aspect to this seemingly goofy artifact, however: It has a wound in its side where its guts are spilling out. That's why I don't recommend that you travel there and commune with it. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you would definitely benefit from crawling into a fetal position and sucking your thumb while lying in the comfy embrace of a humongous mommy substitute. But you shouldn't tolerate any tricks or jokes that might limit your ability to sink into total peace and relaxation.
I don't get it, Rob. THIS IS NOT TRADITIONAL ARIES ADVICE. *breaks a table* | |
