The richest girl in town. (fightingwords) wrote,
The richest girl in town.

I think I can only manage one paragraph right now.

There's a lot to say, and I just haven't had the time or the energy or the brainspace to say any of it. The last few weeks have been very hard in pretty much every way imaginable--lots of hard work and disappointments and loss and endings that were overdue and other endings that are, at the moment, being held at bay by what's left of my patience, my nerves, and my hope. I've realized that I can't fight the fact that I'm an anxious person by nature. Pretending not to be--which isn't to say I'm not finding ways to manage my anxiety--takes a lot out of me and doesn't really offer me anything in return. It's not honest. That's something that's changing this year. It may mean more endings, but so be it. I'd rather move forward, finding and making peace for myself in the ways that make sense and are authentic, than be stuck in place faking some sort of zen-like state for the benefit of others' comfort. That shit's just not happening anymore.

Now to send off a cover letter, my newly updated resume, and shove some stuff in a box before I hit the sack. I have to be at work by 6:30 tomorrow morning.

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